Not all men are excited to be fathers. Many men are very scared and do not know what to do. If a man is scared, they may still want to be a father, they just do not know how they will handle fatherhood. Being scared is a normal reaction for many men who have recently learned they are going to be fathers. It is how they handle these scared feelings that will be of significance to you.
If you were trapped up in a room, what would be the first thing you would want to do? Human nature would be to get out of the trapped situation. Knowing this, why on earth would any woman think that trying to trap a guy by having a baby would work? The first thing a trapped man is going to do is to try and get as far away from the trap as possible.
Some men run away when they are scared. This is definitely not the kind of man you want to tell shocking news to. When they feel like something is out of their control or too overwhelming, they will often just turn the other way. Sometimes, this is just figuratively by becoming less and less involved with you or not returning calls, then it turns into literally running the other way by avoiding all contact with you. A man who feels trapped will often react this way.
Another important point when trying to figure out if your man is cut out for fatherhood is to look at what kind of person he is right now. Is he kind? Does he do a good job of making you and others feel that they are good people? A man that is naturally kind to people may or may not make a good father, but it is a good starting point.
If your boyfriend loses his temper easily and has a difficult time managing his anger, you need to see that as a definite red flag. A man who has anger issues now will have anger issues nine months from now. Is that someone you really want around a newborn baby? He is not going to magically become a prince charming when he turns into a father. He will be the same as he is now for better or worse. His personality is not going to change
Women constantly make the mistake of not truly seeing whom their boyfriend or husband truly is. They look at the man they wish their partner was, instead of the man that he really is. So look at your man right now. Look at his personality, the way he treats his family, the way he treats you, and you will know what kind of father he is going to be.
Don’t let your optimistic outlook cloud your view of who your man truly is. It is not fair to you, it is not fair to him, and it is definitely not fair to an unborn child. Understanding who your man truly is will set you free to make decisions about your relationship and about parenthood with a clearer perspective than you ever thought possible.
Often when getting into a relationship you can see the signs of possible trouble ahead, yet you choose to ignore them. An inner voice may start speaking of the warning signs. Pointing out to you, his previous divorces or his problems with his kids, but you don’t see it.
Many times, we have these early warning signs and are unable or unwilling to believe they can actually be part of his personality. We automatically believe that if we love him enough and he loves us, he will change. But more often than not, he does not change; he continues his learned behavior into your relationship and into your marriage. There are three main categories to pay attention to when getting into a new relationship: his behavior, his history, and your inner voice.
When looking at your man’s behavior, pay attention to how he is treating you now, while the relationship is new and exciting. Chances are if he is not treating you how you want to be treated now, he will not change and treat you better after you are married. Also when looking at his behavior look at how he acts around his friends, family, children, and animals. If you don’t like how he is behaving in any of those areas make a point to discuss your concerns. A man that is mean to his mother now will probably still treat her badly in five years. His leisure activities are also an important place to look for clues to who he really is. If you have found a man who drinks a lot, is unfaithful, or can’t hold down a job, those are all huge red flags to what his behavior could be like in your relationship.
Pay attention to the stories he tells about his history. If he tells of how he has a horrible temper and almost ran a guy off the road who cut him off, that is huge. Don’t just laugh it off as a silly guy thing. When listening to his stories of ex-girlfriends or ex-wives, watch out for a man who blames everything on the woman and claims no ownership, he may have trouble owning his faults in your relationship also. And especially listen for signs of past abuse. If he says his ex divorced him because she said he was physically abusive you should probably start running the other direction now…quickly. Don’t automatically believe his explanation that she was exaggerating and he never ‘really’ touched her. His past is who he really is. Many men are hard wired for abuse and you can’t change him. He may not want to be changed or even think he has a problem, in fact he most likely will point the finger at you – saying you are the one with the problems and anger issues. Don’t be fooled.
Lastly, but probably the most important, listen to your own inner voice. There is that voice, or feeling, or whatever you want to call it, inside you. That voice that tells you there is something wrong. You may not know exactly what it is, but you feel like this may not be the right one. Instead of chalking it up to relationship phobia or your own issues, listen to that inner voice. Your inner voice often warns you long before you actually listen.
|Call 1-800-923-6604 to talk with a caring counselor who can help you sort through the feelings you might be having about your boyfriend.